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:: basicblog ::Random musings of a weary disciple seeking transformation... |
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:: Thursday, October 30, 2003 ::
I haven't had too much time to post to my blog lately... I've been working on migrating my blog over to lifewithchrist.org. The problem is that I don't have much in the "technical skills" department. More than most, but not enough to do decent web design. I mean, I know how to "mod" a basic HTML template, but that's about it! Throw in some tables and the whole thing gets very scary!
:: Tuesday, October 28, 2003 ::Anyway, a really, really nice guy over at lifewithchrist.org sent me his template and stylesheet and I'm busy "modding" it. You should really check lifewithchrist.org out... they have some excellent features! And FREE! In the meantime, I have been reading other people's blogs. That's why it looks like all I've been "blogging" are references to other people's blogs! I came across this and thought it was particularly good: NextReformation.com: "Wednesday, October 29th, 2003 Last Saturday morning I set aside some time to spend with the Lord, and found myself thinking about the distortion of biblical faith and community that was and is most of the western church. Suddenly I found the Lord talking to me about how serious this really was in His eyes... so serious that the dominant metaphor in the Old Testament for the church immersed in culture and a whore. 'Israel running after her lovers' is a common theme in Isaiah, and in many other prophets too. I wasn't in a mood to hear about it, and I found myself staring at the bare facts (no pun intended) and feeling very grieved. So I got busy doing something else.. cleaning junk from the garage. On Monday morning I sat down to read my bible and found the Lord taking me to Ezekiel, ch 20-24. There it was again. I felt the weight of it all in my spirit and found myself in tears, realizing how badly compromised the church has been. This isn't a message that is well received, or a metaphor that is popular or pleasant. And naturally, it is never we who are running after other lovers, we are never the ones who have compromised and compromised and accommodated to our culture until we are not a distinct or Holy people at all. It's always the other guys who have lost the edge. We are the passionate and pure ones... right? Er... right?" OUCH! :: Monday, October 27, 2003 ::
robbymac
:: Sunday, October 26, 2003 ::Yesterday's post from Rob McAlpine's blog is as good a place as any to start this morning, I guess... I've been thinking about blogging and what it is that I hope to accomplish (there goes that performance orientation again!) by doing it. Some days I'm happy to just be putting my thoughts "out there" where others can hold me accountable and other times I get pissed off and self-pitying because I think "no one's reading my blog". Boo-f***ing-hoo! I was particularly struck by this: If we're wanting to be in community with people who are open, accepting, patient, and loving, then maybe we need to invite the Holy Spirit to cultivate those same qualities in us. Our communities -- house church or cell group in a larger church -- need to be known for what they are "for", rather than what they're reacting against. These are the kind of groups that are attractive to others who are seeking a "safe place" to belong and mature as followers of Jesus. It may even affect the way we "blog". :) Just this morning, I was watching FoxNews with my wife before she went to work at Regent and we were watching footage of last night's Democratic Presidential Debates, and as I watched the parade of "Bush-bashers", I said something like, "You know, it's pretty pathetic when you're entire platform consists only of pointing out someone else's alleged faults (They're wrong about Bush IMHO) instead of saying what you would do differently," when suddenly I "heard" God say, "You know? That's exactly how I feel when you talk about My Church." I was stopped dead in my tracks. And now I read Rob's post. You think someone's trying to tell me something?! I want to apologize if I have been doing an excessive amount of whining and plain old wallowing in my angst here lately. I have not asked the Holy Spirit to cultivate those qualities of openness, acceptance, patience, and love in me; at least not consistently. ++Holy Spirit, won't you make me for others exactly what I want others to be for me? Please help me to stop whining and responding to others from a place of hurt. I desire to reflect Jesus today.++ :: Saturday, October 25, 2003 ::  Just got done watching this movie... what a blast! So many memories from childhood! If you have kids, this is a must-see... at least I think so! :: Wednesday, October 22, 2003 ::
I want to share a poem with you I received in an email today. It was written by someone at the International House of Prayer (IHOP) in Kansas City.
ONE CLEAR THOUGHT His God is good whose hands held high proclaim His righteousness, who bears in grief – by God-giv’n grace alone – a burden that he can’t understand but bears because of love. All understanding now passed away insane peace remains deeper than understanding. The mind of Christ thinks one clear thought of love that pierces outward through mangled flesh and sends forth light in the face of all darkness. And the Light shone in the darkness and the darkness did not overcome. © Simon Picazo October 20, 2003
I need to connect with life. Life with a capital "L". I'm both physically alive and dead at the same time. Not that I think that I've lost my salvation or anything. No. I'm just not experiencing any of that "abundant living" that Jesus came and died for. And I want to.
:: Tuesday, October 21, 2003 ::Desperately. I know Jesus is the Source. I just don't know how to get there anymore. My wife posted something on her blog recently about how the old methods just aren't working anymore. They're not. And if I'm not dead already, I'm certainly on my way. Yet, in spite of all the darkness, doesn't the fact that I am even pathetically craving Him count for something? Isn't that a sign of life? Not that I'm trying to earn brownie points with God. It's not about that, really. It's just that I have slipped into this place of despair where I need my hope in the promises of God restored. I need to believe again that He is the Faithful One. Perhaps this is the dark night of the soul? ++Father, I have lost my way. I want you, yet I am not sure I am willing to do all that I think I must do to have you. Won't you come to me? Please help me lay down my pride, walk the way of humility, and receive your cleansing forgiveness. Deliver me from the sinful patterns I have been bound to.++
God, I hate corporate America... it is so dehumanizing! I just got back from signing up with a staffing service (which shall remain nameless) here in Virginia Beach. I walked away from the process feeling like a total loser because I was honest and my clothes were a little too casual and wrinkled.
:: Monday, October 20, 2003 ::Mental note: Don't wear stuff from Old Navy to job interviews anymore! I was wearing my Tommy Hilfiger tie... doesn't that count for anything?! :: Thursday, October 16, 2003 ::
The Cubs Curse
:: Wednesday, October 15, 2003 ::I went to bed disappointed last night that the Cubs had blown their chance at the World Series. I'm not a major baseball fan, mind you, but I'd been following the Cubs since they got into the NL playoffs. I despise the New York Yankees and was excited by the prospect of a Boston/Chicago World Series. I don't know why that excited me, but it did. And now, who knows what's going to happen? I'm not sure I even care anymore now that the Cubs have been eliminated. Boston may lose to the Yanks tonight, in which case it would be a Yankee/Marlin Series... boring! The best possible scenario at this point for me would be that the Yankees lose tonight and Boston takes on the Marlins. In that scenario, I favor Boston. As best as I can tell, I was rooting for Chicago because they were the underdog; the sad sacks with the long championship series-less streak. I was thinking about that last night as I went to sleep. I have a history of rooting for the underdog. Is it any wonder my life is filled with disappointment and hurt? It's almost like I set myself up to be let down. I can't help it. I just relate to the underdogs in life. For a slightly different take on this, read Greg Quiring's blog entry for today! Oh, well... at least we both hate the Yankees!
I've deliberately stayed away from blogging anything very personal for the last several days because I am dealing with conflict on a lot of different levels. At some point, you just have to wonder, "Is it me? Am I the problem?"
I've been doing a lot of inner healing work and surfacing and processing a lot of painful stuff. Anger is an emotion I am very familiar with these days. Add to that the fact that I am in a place of "not knowing" as I explore my relationship with God and His Church and you have a recipe for some very explosive stuff! I'm hoping that as I work through a lot of this stuff, both here and in a Yahoogroup discussion I've started that I will come to a place of peace. I don't think I will ever have all the answers, but I don't think that is necessarily a prerequisite for peace. ++Jesus, I cry out for your healing Shalom. Speak peace over me and all that is mine. I need your healing touch to deliver me from my anger. Make me more like You and fill me with Your love for Your Church.++
Peter Kreeft on C.S. Lewis - by Jedd Medefind:
:: Monday, October 13, 2003 ::"What gives Lewis' writings their remarkable staying power? Is there something Lewis offers that modern Christian thinkers lack? The question has two parts: what does Lewis have and what do most modern Christian writers lack? My answer is that my own question gets it wrong. It's what Lewis lacks and modern writers have that makes the difference. Most Christian writers today want to be up to date, relevant, speaking to their generation, useful, etc. They want to be creative and original. And they end up saying the same things and going out of date very quickly. Lewis just tells the truth as he sees it, and ends up being original. He is totally uninterested in 'marketing,' in intellectual economics. He does what Thoreau advises: 'Read not the Times, read the eternities.' Chesterton says if you marry the spirit of the times you will soon become a widower. If you seek and find and communicate 'the permanent things,' you are permanently relevant."
Joel Mowbray: 'Nuking' the State Department
Joel comments on his now controversial conversation with Pat Robertson...
My wife, Doris, finds all the good stuff!
:: Sunday, October 12, 2003 ::Philemon (1-2): "Early Christians built no large churches or cathedrals. Instead they met in homes for worship and sharing. Based on the size of homes in 1st century cities, meetings must have accommodated a very limited number of people. Yet as Paul's letters show, there was a sense of identity with the greater body of believers who lived in the city, and beyond that, with believers throughout the world. The way of loving one another learned in the "small group" New Testament church, carried over into the way Christians related to one another at every level." L.O. Richards - The Bible Readers Companion - Victor Books USA. Canada. England There is sacrifice and responsibility on the part of all the family when their house is one set apart for the assembly of God's people. It can mean the surrender of some home comforts; even the spoiling of possessions - and being open house at all hours in serving others can mean the loss of rights and personal privacy. Such sacrifice is pleasing to God: * BECAUSE it shows true love for Him, and obedience (1 John 4:19; 1 John 5:1-2; John 14:21,23 ). * BECAUSE it expresses a desire to follow God wholeheartedly (1 Chronicles 22:19; Exodus 35:21 ). * BECAUSE it shows that following Jesus is not necessarily easy or comfortable (Matthew 8:19-20 TLB ). * BECAUSE it indicates a willingness to give up anything the Lord may ask of you (1 Corinthians 10:24; Matthew 5:42 ). * BECAUSE it declares real love for the people of God (1 John 4:21; John 13:35 ). * BECAUSE it reveals personal delight in getting physically involved in God's good, pleasing, and perfect plans for you (Romans 12:1-2 ). Some, unlike Paul and Philemon, avoid friendship, opting for distancing themselves in fear of a familiarity that might bring contempt for their leadership. That is not the Jesus way - even in the most personal times of crises Jesus had disciples with him, and was open before them (Matthew 17:1-2; Matthew 26:36-46; Hebrews 5:7-9 ). Jesus did not treat His own as servants but as friends. He shared His heart with them (John 15:14-15 ). Leadership that is Christlike will be vulnerable to followers, in real self-sacrificing friendship (John 15:13 ). Such leadership will express itself in loyalty, love and support (Proverbs 17:17; Proverbs 18:24 ). In true friendship they will comfort and encourage (3 John 5 ). May the designation "dear friend" in the truest sense be common among us. Source: http://www.4-11.org/books/philemon/phe02.html
Scientific American: Rejection A Real Pain, Brain Study Shows
:: Saturday, October 11, 2003 ::Interesting article... apparently words can hurt you!
Yahoo! News - US State Department protests televangelist's nuclear threat
:: Friday, October 10, 2003 ::Poor Pat... the man is just too outspoken for his own darned good... reminds me of someone else I know. Keep him in your prayers will you?
I had a comment from Greg Quiring of Hope Community on yesterday's blog entry, re: Detoxing from Church... You can read Greg's blog here.
:: Thursday, October 09, 2003 ::His remarks about doing vs. thinking are appropriate yet frustrating because on the one hand, it's not like I just want to sit around and talk about "doing the stuff" and on the other hand, I'm not exactly sure where to start. I guess that's really what my wife and I are sorting through right now. We've moved to a new area, are kinda-sorta "plugged into a local church", but are still frustrated to tears and unfulfilled in our desire to live this "Christian lifestyle" thing right. Anyway, I'll be processing and thinking more on this throughout the weekend... ++Lord Jesus, bless the guys gathering in Georgia this weekend with Your awesome Presence and Your outrageous Love.++
Loving the Church Enough to Get Upset
:: Wednesday, October 08, 2003 ::The following is most of something I posted to a group that I am a part of in which we have been discussing Jason Zahariades' article Detoxing from Church: "That said, I'm not trying to be controversial for controversy's sake. The article touched on things that Doris and I have experienced in the last year or two... it is very personal and real for us. Doris and I were pretty happy with the "Church" and then one day it was like someone dumped a bucket of cold water on us and we were like, "Oh, my God! What is wrong with this? With us?" Something didn't feel right and try as we might, we just couldn't put our finger on it. It wasn't until we "checked out" of the church for a season that we experienced what Jason described as "withdrawals" in the article and we realized just how dependent we had allowed ourselves to become on church for our spirituality; our connection with God. We realize that everyone is ultimately responsible for the state of their "walk" with God, but I guess we've just been trying to figure out: what's the bottom line? Why church? What's it for? What's it supposed to do (as opposed to what it's doing)? How do we get there from here? Sad to say, but I am basically still the same person I was in 1991 when I got saved (worse in some ways, to tell you the truth, because by now I feel I should know better!). Where's the growth? The transformation? The "being conformed into His image"? Either it's all a crock or it's true. If it's a crock, then "we are of all men most to be pitied"... If it's true, I must be doing something wrong. I guess that's really my bottom line... my purpose for starting this group and dragging you all along for the ride... I want to know what I'm doing wrong so that I can change it, be transformed, and be an agent of transformation for others. I mean, isn't that the reason we're all still here and not riding clouds and playing harps in heaven? I want to make a difference, here and now, and not "eat my pie in the sky in the sweet bye and bye". These are some of the "themes" the "emergent church" movement is exploring. I'm not completely sold on the concept. Sometimes it seems like just another model, but I think that it is a valid attempt to explore some of the stuff that we are wrestling with. Reimagining the Church is going to require taking a long, hard look first of all at what Jesus meant it to be and then at what it is, warts and all. There's a lot of "good" in the Church, but not enough, particularly in the Western Church. Are we fulfilling the Great Commission? Are we making disciples who will be able to stand "in that day"? Will Jesus find faith on the earth when He returns? Will Jesus finds me faithful? God, I hope so..."
Just got back from a job interview I went to this afternoon at a company called Skycasters here in Virginia Beach. They're looking for a webmaster "type" to create websites and content for them. I'd love to have this job! It's not a far drive from where we live and it's a laid-back work environment. Not sure my HTML is up to the demands of the job, but I'm going to brush up on my Dreamweaver over the next couple of days.
After the interview, my wife Doris and I headed over to "Famous Uncle Al's" for a "late lunch/really, really early dinner". They have the greatest hot dogs there, you know? We had the hugest chunk of Boston Cream Pie I have ever seen for dessert. It was delicious, though I'm sure I'll hate myself later... Anyway, I haven't been much at home lately with decent amounts of time to put together a somewhat coherent post. Give me a holler if you're out there and reading this!
I'm done switching over from "klinkfamily" to "HaloScan.com" commenting. It all looks and feels much better! I had to manually "cut & paste" comments into HaloScan, but at least I was able to preserve them! Your comments are important to me!
:: Tuesday, October 07, 2003 ::Well, I've been at it since I woke up a little while ago, so I think I'll head downstairs to watch Fox News, read my newspaper and drink my coffee while I hear about Arnie's victory in CA and the Cubbies defeat in Chicago.
Bear with me while I switch over from "shout outs" to "comments". Haloscan.com seems to be a little more professional in that you can edit and delete comments if you have to. With the commenting service I've been using, you have none of those options. The site may "look" a little funny until then, since I want to wait and see if the 'klinkfamily' server ever comes back online and I can salvage your comments!
:: Monday, October 06, 2003 ::I was out all morning playing "Cash Flow" with some financially savvy friends and then took the dog to the dog park all afternoon in Chesapeake. It was great just watching her run around with all the other dogs... I'm beginning to know what it feels like to be a parent... almost! Anyway, hope to post more later, but if not, there's always tomorrow.
This recent post from Alan Creech's blog re: "Why Church?" grabbed my eye...
:: Friday, October 03, 2003 ::"We have looked and we have seen the deep lack of real transformation going on in the Body of Christ. We aren't - we haven't been - being changed into the people we were created to be. And we have seen that the context of our Christian lives has had a good deal to do with this lack of transformation." Also read "Detoxing from Church" by Jason Zahariades. "Imagine what you would have left after you remove from your life everything connected with the organizational church. I mean everything. I've discovered the hard way that living most of my adult life in cultural Christianity has formed my entire identity as a Christian. And when everything in my life connected with the church is gone, including sixteen years of professional ministry, I'm confronted with the true raw status my personal faith." I can identify with that statement! Doris and I were confronted with similar realities after leaving the Vineyard and "worshipping solo" for 8 months. We "cheated" too, and would attend churches here and there from time to time. Perhaps we need more time off from "institutional church" to detox further? "What is the Church? It is a community of people who are each following Christ into his divine life and love here on earth. They are learning how to become by grace what Christ is by nature - the full and complete emptying of self in order to participate fully in God's kingdom so as to be a redemptive force that recreates all aspects of life and creation (Philippians 2:5-16; Colossians 1:19; Romans 8:19-21). The Church is a group of Christ-followers who are sent as Jesus was sent (John 20:21). In this way, the Church is the continuation of Christ's incarnation on earth." I've been wrestling with the "What is the Church/Why Church" questions for some time now. I know that I have hardly, if ever, fully followed "Christ into His divine life and love". I've never seen it modeled or taught as the "goal" of the Christian's life on earth. "The Christian community is then made up of Christ-followers who encourage, challenge, pray, minister, learn, honor, love and spur each other on. But it is not the community's nor the community leaders' responsibility to program or lead others into divine life. Only Christ can do that. So while my needs remain the same, I must look not to an organization, but to Christ alone to lead me into his divine life and love." "Only Christ is the source of divine life. Each member must follow Jesus daily to learn his divine life. Each member must shoulder the responsibility to work out his or her salvation and not expect the community or its leaders to do it for him or her. In Christ, we can learn together, serve together, grow together, love together, etc. But we must first and foremost follow Christ into his life. And to do this we must abandon the distorted and addictive version of the consumer church in order to be free to become Christ's Church."
My wife and I were listening to Allen Hood speak this morning on the live webcast of the Harp & Bowl conference from Kansas City, MO. It's amazing... he addressed in his message some of the very themes I have been wrestling with this week! He spoke about what it means to be divine image bearers at the end of the age and of the dearth of transformation in the Church today. He said that what we need to do is cry out for ENCOUNTER with God. I will have to get the tape of the Friday morning session from their bookstore.
P.S. My wife Doris took good notes... read them on her blog. ++Father, I need to encounter You. Breath of God spring new life Spirit move through my bones Holy love embrace me Stir my heart, wake my soul Bring new life and make me whole.++
Allelon: "Jesus' subsequent resurrection announces to all the world that God's way, the way of relationship, mutuality and allelon does indeed triumph over the ways of Cain, the way of hierarchies, power and rule. Mutuality and allelon are the way of life and the other leads only to death."
:: Thursday, October 02, 2003 ::
It's really sad when relationships deteriorate and miscommunication happens. It's especially sad when the relationships go back a long way. The good thing about newer relationships that fall apart is that there's not much to miss.
++God, all I want is all you have Come to me, rescue me, fall on me with your love.++
Forbes.com: Megachurches, Megabusinesses
:: Wednesday, October 01, 2003 ::Interesting article on "Christian Capitalism" on Forbes.com
Ernie Marton and I have been having this ongoing discussion about "more information vs. transformation"...
It would seem to me that the current Christian mindset emphasizes "more information" over "transformation". I mean, it's easier to preach another sermon or sell another book, cassette/cd, video/dvd than it is to tell people, "Got nothing for ya... go talk to Jesus about it." And that is where the real transformation takes place! Me? I'm a walking encyclopedia of Bible "information"... Like many others in the Church, I can quote it chapter and verse, but darned if I can live it. And that's what I want, really. I want to live like Jesus in the beauty of simplicity, warmed by the fire of love, spreading the good news of His Kingdom like a virus. I was talking about this with my wife on Monday night and I have been thinking about it for the last several days. Why doesn't information lead to transformation? Because there is a missing part to the equation... Information + Revelation + Application = Transformation The crucial part of the equation is "Revelation". I think this is where most of us are lacking... this is the point where God MUST intersect our information or we will not be transformed.
You reap what you sow, karmic retribution, etc.
Ten days after my wife Doris and I moved to VA, we were struck (not us, but our car with us in it...) by a nineteen-year-old uninsured motorist named John Michael Robinson, Jr. on our way home from the Chesapeake Animal Control where we had just adopted, Sam, our dog. They have some stupid law here in VA where you pay the DMV $500 and you can drive without insurance for one year. That is what this kid had done. His car, a big, black Chrysler 4-door, sustained no damage, while my car was hit for a total of $2500. Because it's a new car (a 2002 Hyundai Accent) and we are still making payments on it, we are required by the titleholder, Chase Manhattan Bank, to keep full coverage auto insurance on it until our debt is paid off (sometime in 2007, ::sigh::). At the scene of the accident, the kid wanted me to just let him go. I felt bad for him, but having been in several other accidents this year (none of them our fault, by the way), I refused. He gave me his phone number and told me that he was on disability and his grandmother handled his finances and assured me that she would pay to get my car fixed. I got a police report and informed my insurance company of the accident immediately. I was still going to have to pay a $500 deductible even though the accident was not my fault just because this kid had no insurance. My insurance company told me that I could try getting the money directly from him, so I called his grandmother. It took me days to get her on the phone. When I finally did, she told me that the kid was an unemployed bum and she was getting ready to "throw his ass out". I felt bad for the kid and decided that I would just "bite the bullet" and pay the $500. My insurance company assured me that if and when they recovered money from the kid they would be sure to reimburse my $500. Five hundred dollars may not seem like a lot to you, but when you consider it's the third time this year I've had to pay a deductible because of a car accident that wasn't my fault, it adds up! Add to that the fact that I'm unemployed and we spent a lot of money just getting here, and you can understand my reluctance to part with my $500! Anyway, I was reading the local paper yesterday, The Virginian-Pilot, and came across the following headline: 3 men arrested in raid on suspected drug lab As I read the article, it became clear to me that one of the men arrested was this same kid who had struck us! He's "charged with the manufacture and conspiracy to manufacture methamphetamines". I felt an odd mixture of glee and gloom... I was happy that justice had somehow been served in a "big picture" sort of way and sad as I pondered what this kid's life must be like. I mean, he doesn't live with his parents; he lives with his cranky retiree of a grandmother who's getting ready to "throw his ass out". I wondered about the quality and quantity of the seeds that had been sown into his life and the harvest he was now reaping. It's funny about seeds... we have absolutely no control in our younger years about what gets sown into our lives. Hopefully, our parents are good "filters" that screen out as many of the "bad seeds" as possible from being sown into the soil of our young hearts. Those seeds take root, grow, and in time produce a harvest: good or bad... just depends on what was planted. And hopefully, as we grow older we develop our own set of healthy boundaries to keep the bad stuff out. But what if our parents are the ones planting the bad seeds in our lives? What if they themselves are reaping a bad harvest from the seeds sown into their lives and are now in turn sowing bad stuff into our lives? Where does the cycle end? How do you stop it? As I look at my life, I can see that I am bearing "bad fruit". It's not that I don't bear any good fruit... I just want more of the good and less of the bad fruit in my life. It's been said that "where there's fruit, there's a root". I want to discover and unearth the "bitter roots" in my life and be set free from the cycle. I never want to sow bad seeds in another's life... Sometimes I just feel like a hamster in his wheel... spinning, spinning, spinning... running round and round... but getting nowhere. ++Lord Jesus, make the cycle stop! I want to bear good fruit and reap good harvests. Please help me to discover the bitter roots in my life and expose them to Your refining fire. Purify me that I might bear good fruit, Fruit that will remain.++ ++May John Michael Robinson, Jr. come to know You and Your healing love in his life.++ |
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