:: basicblog ::

I need to connect with life. Life with a capital "L". I'm both physically alive and dead at the same time. Not that I think that I've lost my salvation or anything. No. I'm just not experiencing any of that "abundant living" that Jesus came and died for. And I want to.

Desperately.

I know Jesus is the Source. I just don't know how to get there anymore. My wife posted something on her blog recently about how the old methods just aren't working anymore. They're not. And if I'm not dead already, I'm certainly on my way. Yet, in spite of all the darkness, doesn't the fact that I am even pathetically craving Him count for something? Isn't that a sign of life? Not that I'm trying to earn brownie points with God. It's not about that, really. It's just that I have slipped into this place of despair where I need my hope in the promises of God restored. I need to believe again that He is the Faithful One.

Perhaps this is the dark night of the soul?

++Father, I have lost my way.
I want you, yet I am not sure I am willing
to do all that I think I must do to have you.
Won't you come to me?
Please help me lay down my pride,
walk the way of humility,
and receive your cleansing forgiveness.
Deliver me from the sinful patterns
I have been bound to.++